I wanna bring you to show and tell
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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