We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
