I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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