Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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