when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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