im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
