i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
