I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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