he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
