Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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