No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Randomize
