can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
