I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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