Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
