I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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