How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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