I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
