Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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