He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize