Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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