I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
