I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
