that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
