i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
