Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
