oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
