how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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