My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
