if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
