It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
