What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
