just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
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Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
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That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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