How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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