This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
