i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
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The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
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Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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