You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
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I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
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I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Fuck me I smell like cheese