so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.