come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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