I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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