so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
