oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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