I CAN MOONWALK!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize