dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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