I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
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We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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