The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
