she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
