This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
