My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
