what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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