Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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