If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
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I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dick lei will go down in squad history
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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