Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
