And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
