Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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