I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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