you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
