The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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