this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
