Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
this must be what syphilis tastes like
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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