I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
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Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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