Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
