so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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