I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
