I can't watch pbs sober anymore
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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