Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
