There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
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I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
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We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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